Chick Tract Review: This Was Your Life!

Jack Chick sez: Everything you have said or done will be played back at judgment. Will your name be in the Book of Life?

After the utter bugfuckery of Somebody Loves Me, Lisa, and… well, just about every other tract I’ve reviewed on this site, This Was Your Life! comes off as a bit quaint. The protagonist still gets his sinning ass tossed into Hell, but for once it’s not because he’s gay or believes in science. Chick claims that the poor man’s eternal damnation stems from his rejection of Christ as his savior. However, I think we can all see this man’s greatest sin was being a colossal douche.

Look Out!!!

 

People who don’t go to church will gun you down in cold blood!!!

Chick Tract Review: Somebody Loves Me

Jack Chick sez: Beaten and alone, a child dies. But Jesus cares.

Welcome to another exciting edition of Ecclesiastical Snuff Tracts, where Jack Chick demonstrates the love of Christ by brutally murdering a child.  The child in question is an adorable little waif who bears an eerie resemblance to Liza Minnelli.

Getting to Know You… IN THE BIBLICAL SENSE!

So I was browsing through the TV Tropes website a while back, and I ran across this ad.  And naturally, my first thought was, “Wow!  Check out the nice rack on *that* Christian!  Please open your Bibles to the Book of Hooteronomy!”

Personally, I really like the idea that Christians are allowed to join for free.  But I wonder just who it is that makes the distinction.  Do Mormons count?  Not if you ask the Baptists.  Do Baptists count?  Not according to the Church of Christ.  “Sorry sir, but the obscure gnostic sect to which you belong was declared heretical by Pope Angus VI back in 983 A.D.  I’m afraid you’ll have to pony up the $25 service charge.”

Chick Tract Review: Lisa

Jack Chick sez: Pornography triggers sexual perversion.

This shameful tract is no longer in print, and isn’t even available on the Chick Publications website. However, it is included in the book Hot Topics, in which Chick and the equally insane David W. Daniels tackle six of the “hottest issues of our times,” most of which seem to involve different permutations of gay people and child molestation. And Dungeons & Dragons for some reason.