Chick Parody: Who’s Your Daddy?

One of Jack Chick’s more notorious tracts is Big Daddy?, in which a student goes head to head with a college professor and “proves” that evolution is full of holes. Since the professor’s understanding of science is no better than Chick’s, he is of course unable to refute the horribly inaccurate “arguments” of the student. As usually happens in Chick’s world, the professor sees the error of his ways and decides to give up teaching evolution. Oh, spoiler alert.

Who’s Your Daddy is a brilliant parody of this unfortunate Chick tract. Written by PhineasBg (probably not his real name) and posted on the Facts4U website, Who’s Your Daddy does a great job of skewering Jack Chick’s ineffectual attack on science.

Chick Tract Review: There Go the Dinosaurs

Jack Chick sez: See what happened to the dinosaurs, and what will happen to you if you reject Jesus!

Here’s the problem.

I’ve only reviewed eight of Jack Chick’s tracts, and I’m already out of synonyms for “batshit crazy.” And now that I’ve run across a tract that could have only come from a truly broken mind, I find I have no words to describe it. It appears I shot my hyperbole wad just a little early.

There is a persistent rumor that Chick suffered a stroke in 1996, which would certainly explain the utter bugfuckery of his later works. Case in point: There Go the Dinosaurs.

A Message to the Unwashed Masses

Welcome to the Bible Belt, oh mysterious traveler from afar. No doubt you find our ways puzzling, even troubling, to your liberal wife-swapping Ivy League hippie sensibilities. How you came to be here is something of a mystery. Perhaps you were on your way to Burning Man and your car broke down. Or maybe you were on your way to Mexico to buy drugs, and your car broke down. It’s entirely possible that you were simply headed west to indulge in the sodomy, prostitution, or polygamy of California, Nevada, or Utah, and your car broke down. But it doesn’t matter what transpired to strand a sinner like you amongst God’s chosen. He has delivered you unto us, and now we must make every effort to save your soul before He smites you for your wickedness or your car gets fixed.