Chick Tract Review: The Little Bride

Jack Chick sez: Protect children against being recruited as Muslims. Li’l Susy explains that only Jesus can save them.

Last up in Jack Chick’s Prepubescent Hate Parade is The Little Bride. This time, Li’l Susy vents her spleen (which is presumably filled with Christ’s love) at the Islamic faith.

If the emails I receive from my grandfather are any indication, Muslims now hold the number one spot on the Fundamentalist Christian Threatdown. In case you’re wondering, that spot was previously held by same-sex marriage, Barack Obama, science, and Madalyn Murray O’Hair, who apparently rose from the dead to get Touched by an Angel canceled. But I digress…

Chick Tract Review: Birds and the Bees

Jack Chick sez: At a very young age, schoolchildren are being told that homosexuality is okay. Here is God’s view, carefully written for young readers.

I honestly don’t believe that *all* Christians are homophobes, or vice versa. I’m just saying that there’s a lot of overlap in that particular Venn diagram. Christianity and homophobia simply go well together, like beer and pizza. Or Glenn Beck fans and flammable lawn crosses.

Chick Tract Review: The Devil’s Night

Jack Chick sez: In this children’s book, Li’l Susy tells her friend, Buffy, how Halloween got started, and how everyone must choose between Jesus and Satan.

After the misguided morality play of Happy Halloween and the ill-advised treacle of The Little Princess, Jack Chick once again leaps headfirst into the swirling abyss of Halloween insanity with The Devil’s Night. And since the protagonist of this piece is none other than Li’l Susy Barnes, you know we’re in for some vintage Chick madness.

Chick Tract Review: Apes, Lies, and Ms. Henn

Jack Chick sez: School children are taught that we don’t need God, because we are just animals who came from apes. But Susy tells her young friend that God made us, and sent his Son to give us eternal life. A children’s tract.

Evolution is a thorny subject for many Christians, one that has effectively divided the faith into two groups: those who believe science is a vast godless conspiracy designed to undermine the teachings of the Bible, and those who have actually read a book. Jack Chick definitely pledges his allegiance to the former and, in his tract Apes, Lies, and Ms. Henn, attempts to blow the lid off of the satanic liberal science agenda.

Chick Tract Review: Li’l Susy

Jack Chick sez: Abandoned by her earthly father, Kathy [sic] learns about her heavenly Father, and His love that will never let her down. A great message for children.

Ah, Li’l Susy Barnes. Never was there a more appropriate mouthpiece for Jack Chick’s insanity than this cute little moppet.

There’s no doubt that when Chick first conceived of Li’l Susy, he envisioned her as an innocent child — guileless yet wise beyond her years — who had yet to be corrupted by the wicked liberal world. But it turns out that Chick’s militant messages of intolerance are even more jarring when being delivered by a smiling, rosy-cheeked little girl. So in a way, Li’l Susy is just like a Chick tract — adorable and childlike on the surface, but full of batshit crazy and hate on the inside.