Chick Tract Review: The Little Ghost

Jack Chick sez: “I’m not afraid of you… because Jesus loves me!” The simple Gospel for young children.

Boring. No druids. No witches. No black mass and cat sacrifice. And not a single murdered child to be seen. Come on, Jack! Where’s your Halloween spirit?

The Little Ghost tells an incredibly gripping and exciting story about a couple of little kids who dress up in costumes and try to scare their friend. She tells them she’s not scared because Jesus loves her. Amazingly, her two friends have never heard of Jesus, so she tells them how He died for our sins and made the devil angry. Her friends are moved by her compelling and totally plausible narrative, and they invite Jesus into their hearts. The end. Seriously.

Chick Tract Review: The Devil’s Night

Jack Chick sez: In this children’s book, Li’l Susy tells her friend, Buffy, how Halloween got started, and how everyone must choose between Jesus and Satan.

After the misguided morality play of Happy Halloween and the ill-advised treacle of The Little Princess, Jack Chick once again leaps headfirst into the swirling abyss of Halloween insanity with The Devil’s Night. And since the protagonist of this piece is none other than Li’l Susy Barnes, you know we’re in for some vintage Chick madness.

Chick Tract Review: The Little Princess

Jack Chick sez: Heidi is terribly sick. But when she gets saved on Halloween night, her whole family finds Christ too. An emotional story with a happy ending.

Every once in a while, Jack Chick gets a little meta and gives us a Chick tract that tells the story of somebody reading a Chick tract. Whoa. Is that lumpy, gray paint on your walls, or did I just BLOW YOUR MIND? It may seem a tad indulgent, but it’s that kind of self-promotion that helped Mr. Chick turn his funnybook ministry into a hate-spewing empire.

Chick Tract Review: Happy Halloween

Jack Chick sez: It was supposed to be a fun Halloween, visiting a “Haunted House” for a great scare. But when an accident claims a boy’s life, his friends learn there is a real hell waiting for all those who die without Jesus.

For his next Halloween tale, Jack Chick takes a break from the usual conspiracy of witches and druids. Instead, he offers up a parable to demonstrate that God, not good works, will get you into Heaven. Jack is obsessed with this particular trope, and is apparently convinced that Hell is full of good people, while Heaven is packed with dickweeds who skated through the Pearly Gates on a technicality.

I’m not sure what any of this has to do with Halloween. But, hey. Whatever.

Chick Tract Review: Boo!

Jack Chick sez: This takeoff on horror films reveals the truth about Halloween.

Next up in Jack Chick’s Parade of Halloween Insanity is Boo! And I’ll say this for Mr. Chick… once he decides he’s going to lead someone to the Lord, he’s not afraid to use stacks of dead teenagers to do it.

Like the much touted “War on Christmas,” Jack Chick believes that the true meaning of Halloween has been lost amidst all the secular hijinks and commercialism. You see, when kids put on those Batman costumes and wander from house to house asking for candy, they are actually reenacting an ancient ritual where druids used to put on Batman costumes and wander from house to house asking for children and virgins.

Chick Tract Review: The Trick

Jack Chick sez: Shows Halloween’s origin and real purpose.

Jack Chick hates a lot of things. But for some reason, the topic of Halloween really seems to get up his ass with cleats on. Our man Jack has devoted several of his Chick tracts to exposing Halloween as a vast Satanic conspiracy concocted by druids and pagans to sacrifice small children and boost the sales of tiny Snickers bars.