Look Out!!!

 

People who don’t go to church will gun you down in cold blood!!!

Getting to Know You… IN THE BIBLICAL SENSE!

So I was browsing through the TV Tropes website a while back, and I ran across this ad.  And naturally, my first thought was, “Wow!  Check out the nice rack on *that* Christian!  Please open your Bibles to the Book of Hooteronomy!”

Personally, I really like the idea that Christians are allowed to join for free.  But I wonder just who it is that makes the distinction.  Do Mormons count?  Not if you ask the Baptists.  Do Baptists count?  Not according to the Church of Christ.  “Sorry sir, but the obscure gnostic sect to which you belong was declared heretical by Pope Angus VI back in 983 A.D.  I’m afraid you’ll have to pony up the $25 service charge.”

A Message to the Unwashed Masses

Welcome to the Bible Belt, oh mysterious traveler from afar. No doubt you find our ways puzzling, even troubling, to your liberal wife-swapping Ivy League hippie sensibilities. How you came to be here is something of a mystery. Perhaps you were on your way to Burning Man and your car broke down. Or maybe you were on your way to Mexico to buy drugs, and your car broke down. It’s entirely possible that you were simply headed west to indulge in the sodomy, prostitution, or polygamy of California, Nevada, or Utah, and your car broke down. But it doesn’t matter what transpired to strand a sinner like you amongst God’s chosen. He has delivered you unto us, and now we must make every effort to save your soul before He smites you for your wickedness or your car gets fixed.