Chick Tract Review: This Was Your Life!


Jack Chick sez: Everything you have said or done will be played back at judgment. Will your name be in the Book of Life?

After the utter bugfuckery of Somebody Loves Me, Lisa, and… well, just about every other tract I’ve reviewed on this site, This Was Your Life! comes off as a bit quaint. The protagonist still gets his sinning ass tossed into Hell, but for once it’s not because he’s gay or believes in science. Chick claims that the poor man’s eternal damnation stems from his rejection of Christ as his savior. However, I think we can all see this man’s greatest sin was being a colossal douche.

We are introduced to our hero, looking quite dashing with his pipe and windbreaker/turtleneck ensemble as he sips a highball and basks in the glory of his sports car and console television set.

However, the enjoyment of his mammonism is cut short by the Grim Reaper himself. The poor bastard dies with a startled “Whaaa?” leaving behind a mysteriously floating pipe and drinking glass.

No sooner is our protagonist in the ground when he is awakened by the booming voice of God and yanked up naked through the graveyard dirt. You know, like it says in the Gospel According to John.

A rather brawny angel delivers him to a waiting room, where he awaits his final judgment. The poor man tries to convince the angel that he’s not so bad, but the angel really doesn’t seem to give a shit.

Eventually, he is called before the Throne of God. At the risk of sounding pedantic, I have to admit I’m a little confused by the chronology of the whole thing. Chick quotes a verse from the Revelation of St. John, which implies this mass judgment of the dead is occurring in the End Times™. Which means that either the Apocalypse happened right after this guy died, or he’s been sitting in that waiting room for a long ass time.

Of course, since God is taking the time to personally review the case of every dead person, I can only imagine there would be quite the backlog. Our hero is treated to a multimedia presentation of his life…

…including his mispent teenage years of telling dirty jokes and watching women pee standing up.

The sinful charges leveled against the poor guy include false accusations, hypocrisy, deceit, and lying, which are all pretty much the same sin, aren’t they? He also stands accused of disobeying his parents, thieving, being envious, hating God, whoremongering, backbiting, and um… whispering?

And finally, most damning of all, he was bored in church!

The poor man is overcome with remorse and breaks down sobbing. However, it’s too late. His name doesn’t appear in the Book of Life…

…and so he gets tossed into Hell. Which explains why those angels are so buff, I guess. Chucking sinners gives you quite the upper body workout.

Fortunately, Chick tells us, it doesn’t have to be that way! He gives us a Run Lola Run type alternative ending where we see our hero living a good, Christian life…

…and being welcomed into Heaven when he dies by Giant Faceless God.

This Was Your Life! is one of Jack Chick’s most popular tracts, and has been adapted for a number of different audiences.

It’s Your Life! (Adapted for Black Audiences)

This Was Your Life! (Adapted for Middle Eastern Audiences)

This Was Your Life! (Adapted for Chinese Audiences)

This Was Your Life! (Adapted for Indian Audiences)

You Have a Date! (Adapted for Women)

(Interestingly, the woman avoids the pitfalls of whoremongering and whispering. However, she does get into drugs and witchcraft, because those sins are much more relatable to women.  Also, she gets to keep her clothes on during her judgment, because naked women are wicked and offensive to God.)

It’s truly a Rainbow Coalition of Asshattery. Thank you, Jack.

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Published in: on April 19, 2011 at 1:09 pm  Comments (16)  
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16 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. What, no Gay version? ;D

  2. I know, right? Somebody ought to start a letter writing campaign!

  3. Damn that chinese version got some gangsta style, and us poor whiteys got stuck with being the mayor of douchetown.

  4. Thanks for putting this together, as I was bringing the different ones up and comparing them manually. I guess the African-American version wasn’t African enough for people who speak Ngiemboon, so they got head wraps and some extra frills on their shirts.

    http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5196/5196_01.asp

  5. We should do a parody where the Indian guy gets rescued by Krishna!

  6. You’re missing the edition for Fidjians: http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1698/1698_01.asp
    Also there’s one for African American women: http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1110/1110_01.asp

    And I think that’s it, so far.

  7. The African American Woman version might be my favorite. She decides not to accept Jesus properly because she would get a bad grade? Oh, right, and “bi” needs to be defined, it’s such an obscure perversion. Chick Publications has a finger RIGHT on the pulse of mainstream America.

    Both female versions have “witchcraft” as a sin. Sounds pretty legit, you know how us ladies are.

  8. I read this tract when I was around 10 years old, sitting in the waiting room of a hospital. The imagery and the story scared me and stuck with me throughout my life. It came to mind when I “accepted christ” at 18, and throughout the 26 years I wasted on Christianity. What a horrid little booklet.

  9. If he told the dirtiest story he ever heard, they must have already watched the day that he heard it.

  10. That’s strange: only the ones “for women” include “pornography” in the “big list of sins” panel.

  11. “SOONER OR LATER WE’LL ALL BE ON THE MENU..ALL OF US!!”
    -Lloyd Bochner-‘How to Serve Mankind’:The Twilight Zone.
    Kirk Cameron/Jim Parsons 2016!!

  12. Why no Latino version?
    Mr. Chick is missing out on a major demographic, full of Catholics he thinks need saving!

  13. some day you will wish you had listened and heeded the gospel.

    reply

    • Some day, Jack Chick will wish he had as well.

  14. […] remember seeing that Jack Chick comic, “This Was Your Life” around age ten, and being absolutely terrified. The idea of having to account for all my misdeeds […]

  15. There was one of these lying around the house when I was a kid, I read it when I was about 6. Traumatised the shit out of me!


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